Name: Claire Cetti
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Tell us about what you do. I am a mom of four, three of which are out of the home and one is a junior in high school. I am also a PCI Certified Parent Coach®, working with parents who wish to create deeper connections, not only with their children, but also with themselves personally, as well. I am passionate about helping parents begin to experience more joy, confidence and peace with their kids and within their parenting journey.
How long have you been working with parents and children? I’ve been working with parents in this capacity since 2016.
Why were you drawn to working with parents and children? When my husband and I began our own family,I was the first of my friends to begin this parenting journey. I was also 3,000 miles away from my original family, with minimal support, feeling isolated and quite frankly, I didn’t know what I was doing. There was so much to figure out and I questioned every parenting move I made. Through various experiences and realizations along the way, I began to learn how to parent intuitively, based on what was important to me and who my children inherently were, which was the first major change I made in my parenting journey.
I stayed at home with my children for 12 years before going back to work at a local college Health and Counseling Center over 10 years ago. As I began to witness, first hand, the dramatic rise in anxiety, stress and depression in students entering college, I was prompted to take a deeper look at how I was parenting my own children. This quest to help me help my kids be more prepared as they grew to be young adults leaving home was eye opening, and a game changer in my overall parenting journey.
By sharing what I have learned over the years, I am able to help and support parents who are facing their own struggles and challenges within their parenting journey–no matter where they are on it. I love helping parents learn to tap into their own personal strengths, values, internal knowledge, and wisdom that already lies within them. By doing so, they find endless potential for creativity and possibilities for solutions to any challenge they may be facing, thereby discovering a confidence and peace with how they parent which leaves a lasting impact–not only for them, but for the family as a whole.
What is the biggest misconception you think parents have about parenting? I believe one of the biggest misconceptions in parenting is that parenting “well” is equivalent to parenting “perfectly,” that they will eventually arrive at this place of perfection in parenting and get it right all the time.
This thing called parenting? It’s a journey. The goal shouldn’t be to arrive at our parenting, but to evolve and grow into it. We, as people who happen to be parents, are living alongside our children who are constantly growing, transitioning and developing. This means that we also should be learning, adjusting and growing right alongside them. Therefore, we should release the idea of arriving at some perfect parenting destination, and instead embrace the concept of being on a continual journey with our children. In doing so, we also allow ourselves to be present in the moment with them while parenting them.
What do you think is the hardest part of parenting today? I believe that the hardest part of parenting today is the curse of comparison parenting, and not trusting the inherent power we all have in our own inner wisdom. With societal and cultural pressures and expectations, along with the commonly constant pull of social media, parents tend to parent from these external sources rather than paying attention to their own natural and inherent desires, values and principles. In doing so, they find themselves in a place of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and not enough, as parents. When parents compare themselves to what others are doing and how they are parenting, they forsake their own inner wisdom and inherent knowledge that already exists within them, which is a POWERFUL place to parent from.
What’s one piece of advice you can share with us today? Every day, we are all faced with choices. Whether it be dealing with push back from your kids, a decision that needs to be made, or something personally challenging for you, stop and ask yourself:
“What am I after?”
“What do I ultimately desire (for myself, my children, my family)?”
“Is what I am doing, about to do, or choosing to do, match or get us closer to that ultimate desire?”
By stopping to ask these questions of ourselves, we can slow down before reacting. A quick reaction means potentially making quick decisions that don’t serve us, our children or families well. Instead, we must take that pause and respond, in order to make a conscious choice based on the strengths, desires and dreams that do serve us well.
What are your favorite resources to share with parents? Anything by Dan Siegel, Dr. Shefali and Brené Brown. I love the combination of neuroscience, conscious parenting and personal growth. An incredibly powerful trio of information. My other favorite books include:
- How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims
- The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey
I’m in the process of reading The Self-Driven Child and I am fairly certain it will also be another one of my favorites!
Which topic will you be speaking about at the Revolutionizing Parenthood conference? I will be speaking about “Mastering the Art of Stepping In vs Stepping Out: Effective Strategies for Parenting and Creating a Successful Transition for your Teen through High School into Adulthood.”
This workshop will take a look at how we as parents can successfully and confidently prepare, launch and guide your child through high school and beyond. There is a myth that the parenting journey ends at the age of 18, that as parents we need to let go. This part of the parenting journey can indeed be challenging, thus being able to recognize and identify how the parenting role will change and how it will look different is an imperative part of successfully launching your child. Parents will be able to explore the ways in which they still have a significant role in their young adult’s life that contributes to their child’s sense of independence, confidence, well being and success.